Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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