I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
