Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
