i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
My balls are so social today.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
