ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
