She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
