Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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