I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
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