Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
