the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
