His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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