fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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