If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
