I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
