I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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