There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
