Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
