I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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