omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I think my moral compass just broke
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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