I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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