this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
