I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
