Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
