I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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