Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
