you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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