Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
