I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
