I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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