I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
Randomize
