Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Randomize
