i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
