youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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