when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I think I just sharted jello shots
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize