He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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