Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
