Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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