Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
