So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
