He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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