Yo dont text me then not text me
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
