that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
