Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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