He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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