I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
