tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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