The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
i now understand why vodka
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
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