Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
