I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
