just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Randomize
