i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
