hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Randomize
